The Best Beer-Oriented Belt for Golf

I don’t like the belts that tour players wear nowadays—the ones with gigantic rectangular buckles:

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I don’t like them even though they remind me a little of my beloved Mattel Shootin’ Shell Buckle Gun, featuring “exciting secret ‘no hands’ firing,” which I wore when I was a kid until I broke it. It had a built-in derringer mounted on a hinge, and the derringer swung out and fired a real projectile when you pushed your stomach against the back of the buckle — something that was harder for me then than it would be now.

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A belt like that could be problematic for golf, because it might go off when you leaned over to line up a putt. But my favorite grown-up belts are perfect, because their buckle is also a beer opener:

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They’re made by Bison Designs, and they aren’t expensive. (Prices range from 18 to 27 dollars, plus shipping, depending on what sort of pattern you choose.) We gave them as tee gifts at our men’s member-guest last year, and most of the guys actually still wear them, unlike some of the other crap we’ve handed out over the years. I just bought two more, bringing my collection to three:

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The two on the ends in the photo look the same, but they’re not. (The one on the right is for formal occasions.) The buckles really work, too. My brother visited over the weekend, and between golf days we took my wife out to dinner at a Thai restaurant that doesn’t have a liquor license yet. We remembered to bring beer but forgot an opener, so I took off my belt and handed it across the table. Problem solved.

These are the Best Golf Beverage Bottles, and I’m Not Kidding

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Usually, the “tee gift” you receive for playing in a golf tournament is something you either don’t want or already have a dozen of, like a bag that isn’t the right size or shape to hold anything you want to carry in a bag, or a vest. Of all the tee gifts I’ve been given over the years, just three stand out: a Club Glove carry-on suitcase, from my brother’s member-guest (now sadly broken); a belt with a beer-opener buckle, from my own member-guest, which is almost the only belt I ever wear; and a Hydro Flask water bottle, from a local tournament last year.  

Several of my friends also played in the same tournament and received the same water bottle, and they love it, too. It holds twenty-four ounces and has a screw-on top with a ring thing in it. I like mine so much that I recently bought a second one, just for coffee. It holds 18 ounces and has a wide-mouth with a “flip lid,” for sipping:

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As of this week, I own a third, a thirty-two-ounce model, for carrying water on really hot days. It’s big, but it fits in the beverage pocket on my golf bag, and I got it with both a regular screw-on top and a “straw lid,” which lets me drink from it like a baby bottle:

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If I hadn’t quit drinking alcohol a decade ago, I would immediately buy a fourth Hydro Flask, called the Growler, which is even bigger, and holds sixty-four ounces of beer:

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There are several guys at my club who could really use Growlers. If men ever bought presents for other men, I might get them one, if only to prevent them from doing what they do now, which is to fill old beer bottles with new beer from the Kegerator in the clubhouse storeroom and carry them in their golf bags. They use old beer-bottle tops to reduce spillage:

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Among the appealing features of all my Hydro Flask bottles are the finishes, which are tough and non-glossy. They also come in great colors. And unlike the black finish on my four Thermos coffee mugs (which, because of their shape, inevitably pop out of the cup-holder on my pushcart) they don’t chip off:

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I love all three of my Hydro Flasks. A golfer would pretty much have to be crazy, I think, to carry a liquid in anything else. There are lots to choose from:

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Beer-Related Golf Infrastructure

You can’t drink beer at the golf course if you can’t open the bottle. The Sunday Morning Group has two built-in bottle openers right on the beer-drinking patio, next to the clubhouse. One opener is attached to a fence post (see above—and note the flower pot, for catching caps); the other is attached to the Superintendent’s Chair (see below). The Superintendent’s Chair is where the superintendent always sits, unless he doesn’t feel like it or someone else is sitting there already.

Also, as backup, every member who played in this year’s member-guest has a belt with a beer-opener buckle (see below). Word to the wise: stand up before opening a beer with your belt. (If you’d like your own beer-opener belt—and what normal golfer wouldn’t?—you can order it here.)

Tap-Cap belt, by Bison Designs, proud sponsor of the Sunday Morning Group (or vice versa).