Why Can’t Certain Golfers Put the Flag Back Straight?

Second green. The ball is Doug’s. The flag is as it was left by the group ahead of ours.

Six of us played behind a couple of senior members today, and on three consecutive holes we found the flag as in the photo above. Is this an age-related thing? An old-guy insertion problem?

And speaking of that: I can never remember which HDTV channels are which, so I usually just flip around until I see golfers. Once, while I was doing that, I came to a commercial for erectile-dysfunction medicine (naked middle-aged couples lounging in bathtubs), and thought, “This must be the golf tournament”—and it was. Another usually accurate indicator: commercials for enlarged-prostate medicine (clothed middle-aged guys running to the bathroom).

Today, we started with five guys, so we played Perfect Skins. Then Peter P. arrived—he’d had trouble breaking through his Invisible Fence—so at the turn we switched to 3-2-1, which is a game we made up for sixsomes. Here’s how it works: you divide into two three-man teams, by pulling balls from a hat. Then you play regular best-ball, except that if the best ball is a tie you break the tie with the second-best ball, and if that ball’s a tie, too, you break it with the third. Your team gets three points if you win a hole on the first ball, two if you win on the second, and one if you win on the third, and if all three balls push no one gets anything.

This is really just the six-man version of a very good four-man game called Second Ball Decides. So if they don’t allow sixsomes on your course, or you don’t have five friends, you can play that. And if both balls tie in that game you can award the hole to the side that sank the longest putt—gimmes not included.

Peter P., Doug, Mike A., Fritz.

 

4 thoughts on “Why Can’t Certain Golfers Put the Flag Back Straight?

  1. Tough to see how the seniors are responsible for the flags. The green is remarkably devoid of foot shuffling scuff marks.

  2. Encyclopedia Brown: This is excellent detective work, and it makes me think that we need a Department of Golf Course Forensics. For example: could we identify specific divot-non-replacers by the shape and orientation of the gouges they leave? Maybe take plaster casts of footprints in bunkers? Further study.

  3. Here’s another possibility: how about molding golfers’ initials into the soles of their shoes? You’d know immediately who hadn’t raked that bunker.

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